Thursday, October 26, 2006

R3v3rs3 3ngin33ring lif3

Hi da, (the bangalore style salutation) . Well lot of dark darker and pitch dark blogs .

When will life get better ? Somebody asked me, and I thought when. Life shudn't be the way it is . It should be something like this.

One day you rise from the grave , find that you are in acute pain , you are old , really really old , diseased, suffering from various ailments. Then an ambulance comes and takes you to the hospital where you are treated . You slowly recover , and find that someone has cleared your hospital bills, they call him your son. Then you grow youger day by day , you go through your retirement day the day when you join the job ,then the next day you go through the most tiring day of your job , you get paid a huge salary , you slowly start spending . Your salary slowly decreases , but all the fun increases. You find you are dancing in ur sons marriage one fine day , you still grow younger and find that a naughty boy bothering you . Then suddenly this female comes to your life , they call him your wife ,you find you spend all the time with this female , somehow , she takes care of you , rather you take care of her , you have fights with her , she threatens you for divorce everyday , she speaks a lot , you are kinda pissed with her, you are bugged. You grow younger , you find the naughty kid has disappeared somewhere , you buy a house ,your wife has become more beautiful , she loves you a lot more , you make love with her for some years , go out on vacations with her and love her in all possible ways and finally she goes away from your life after a big event , they call it your wedding day. Then you find you have more energy , you get your first car, you just joined the job , you have a girlfriend , another chic, you have lottsa fun , you go to pubs , you drink and smoke, you eat everythig , all the restrictions disappear , you wear fashionable stuff , you grow younger , you go to college , enter in final year ,
have loads of fun with friends , come out in the first year , the complexities of academic gradually decreases and you finally leave your academic career as a school student. There is some1 to take care of you , your parents , they spoon feed you, they do everything you ask them to do , they take care of you in every possible way , you feel so much better. You finally are a small kid , all the people around you take you into their arms , and kiss you . (Believe me at 90 years it will feel very good). You pee on them at your will , sometimes even shit on them. Then one day you go into your mother's womb , the most coziest and comfortable place inthe world and survive the final nine months of your life there. You keep on shrinking and finally end your life in an orgasm.

Let life be like this . Amen !!


Idea inspired by an American author.

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Just for a few thousand bucks.....

Before I start writing this blog , let me tell you all this is an old blog , 1 I wrote in my diary few months back, just copying it to a safe and easy to read place, after all Georgia is much easier to read than my handwritten font.This is how it read on my diary.


JUST FOR A FEW THOUSAND BUCKS.......
More than 3 weeks have passed since I came to bangalore. This is the first time in the 24 odd days that I am feeling this low. Searching a reason for my existence , well then everybody at some point of time does.I am more than a thousand kilometres away from my home; away from more than half of my friends, far far away from college, my college that used to be , that was.Seems everything has sunk in the ocean of time.My mind seems to be quite disturbed with something, what exactly i donot know. May be the phobia of the exam ahead, may be with some kind of loneliness, what exactly I am yet to make out.When Susant passed me a fag, it seemed to be very much the same friendly hand which used to pass on the cigarette in college. The smell of Patia springs and autumns still lingers fresh in my mind. I still remember the first day in college, how I met everyone, each 1 of my friends, each of my crush, and finally how every1 left. Nostalgic , remarks Susant. Well today its not just about friends, its about everyone, my family , my grandparents , when again I am going to meet them, spend some time with them. Life , till now, used to be so easy , I can feel the difference, may be a bit too early. Independence does not come for free, now I know that.Gone are those days when Mom would come and wake me up at 6 in the morning and I would simply not agree to come out of my cozy bed.Gone are those days when i was forced to take a nutritious breakfast. When my parents placed their caring hand on my forehead whn I fell ill, when i got scolded heavily for doing the things I thought were right and my parents thought otherwise.Now I know. Those days of college crushes , the days of cricket matches with extra-ordinary rules.How every1's leg was pulled , no one was spared, not even teachers, how I danced with my friends on picnics and parties. The night long chats with unknown id's , the diwalis and holis, the khattis and those creative PJ's, the pranks, college annual functions and scrutinising each faculty before they do that with us.Again and again I am asking myself,what to choose, all this or the life that I am living now. And if some1 tells me,life's like that boy, then i should say it sucks.

A man's destination is not his destiny. Life goes on!! And now it is going on just in the lure of a few thousand bucks.Wish I could perform a rollback operation and kill Pandora.

Hearing this Susu, most of you must be remembering him, smiles in his typical way and says, "Dude, everything is destined". Let it be then...




Tuesday, April 04, 2006

Boyz don't cry .

It has been time since i last blogged.But then that happens with me. Initially i found it to be loads of fun , i mean blogging. Then i thought , grrrr man , blogging is so boring. Now reading one of my previous posts i feel like adding a new post.


Last night , was the last time i bashed some1 , in the gap of 2 years. Well what do i do , the victim i thought , was kind off pain in my @ss since the last 6 months. Anyways , first of all 'Happy Birthday Mrutyunjaya', its your b'day today , when i am writing this blog . And then after hitting , rather bashing him up, there were the other fellas , ready to shed their , mebbe , frustration.Then the usual cake from Mongini's which had 'M J , Virginity Personified' written on it clearly , the cake cutting thingy . After everythign was over , there was a time when me, Kaushik and Mrutyunjaya were there in the room . Something in me told me i should hug a badly beaten MJ, and i did that.Well thats when i got the tears , not xactly tears but a moistened eye and heart. I suddenly realised that this was the last time i am going to hug him on a b'day, if not , then it certainly can be the last time. I suddenly realised that everything is going to be converted to memories only , i suddenly realised that the 2 faces i had been seeing for most of the time in my life in the last 4 years(not exactly) , i wont be seeing them again after a few days , well i may , but chances are that i may not. i would no more find MJ on the bed next to mine , when i will get up every morning , if i get up then.


I will miss a nagging MJ , a sweetheart Kaushik, a cool Lucky , a mischievious Nishant , a smoking Susu , a lethargic Dhiraj , my favorite DJ Jojo , a crazy Golak , a self-proclaimed true Aries Sayan , a full of energy Riju , a cool dude and geeky Lapat , the very formal Aditya, a true Bengali Sandi (:P) , an inquisitive Shyamal , a bro in Chetan, the ever comical Sunil, Deepak, a true insomniac Dhawan , a psycho MR, a true java coder Nishith, a slow Mitesh 'Tom' Sahu , a very responsible and PJ king Barik , a bubbly Lipu , a champ gamer Rohan , a sweet sweet Kuheli , an ever-smiling Jassi , a plump Rosy (:D) , a perfect Supi , fatman Sila , a handu Aman , ohhhhhhhh , Bijay , Jaggu , Abhishek , Pusparag , Brati , Ruby , Debu , Swarup , Anand , Subhra , i will miss u all , and all my other frnds .


See , i am getting emotional again , but then the world is governed by certain rules , one of which is NoLF . Whats NoLF , find out in my upcoming blogs . Well as everything is set for the final few days , i remember just 1 thing , from a novel of a very close frnd. 'If partitions are reality , re-unions are destiny'. They say Boys' dont cry , but the next time some1 asks me when did i cry i have an answer. My b'day , my last b'day . And the next time , when i leave college , ... forever ...

Monday, February 13, 2006

8 p.m. @ 1 a.m.

Last night was the most amazing nights in the few months. Well i have no idea as how i
shud take all ya ppl reading this blog into the night itself . Fine lets start.

Yesterday as i was sitting for 'Bitwise 2k6' in the afternoon,Jojo suddenly appeared
somewhere out of the wind and asked, "Abe , Puri chalega?" . I said no as if i dint bother , i
was too much into screwing up my own basics of algorithms. Looking for solutions to the
bitwise problems were like u know what to do , but u aren't able to , the very desperate
feeling u would have when a virgin is lying nak*d infront of u, and u can see her but cant
make it to her in a transparent glass maze.And amidst deep concentration i could hear
Jojo callin out for people interested for a very short Puri trip.Finally after an hour's try ,
the frustration overtook the talent in me and i gave up. Went for my food to the hostel
mess and somehow i thot i shud be doing more interesting things than sitting and solving
problems for 12 hours.Well there are times when the nerd inside me lives , but it
lives for a time less than the time required for it to die.Anyways , i thot let me accompany
Jojo , but again i was afraid of Purba , my partner for Bitwise.Somehow i dint show him my
face, and decided to join the company, Mitesh , Jojo , Susant , Baibhav , Nishant and finally me .So i signed off Yahoo Msngr (my status then read 'Busy' ) , put on a dirty pair of jeans , a wind cheater , bathroom slippers (looking for my pair of shoes wud have taken another 20 mins) and we were off. On asking the hostel
authorities to allow entering the hostel after 12 they said better come tomorrow.
"Jo hoga dekha jaega, chalo chalte hain" , was what i heard some1 sayin .Everything was packed , cigarettes ,
whisky , Pepsi and Lays.We started in an ambassador .

Let me cut it short , or it wud be a novel instead of a journal.

On the way the guys had whisky ( I had promised Sandi i wont drink, and i dint ). And in a
place called Chandanpur we had the very famous 'Malpua-Daalma'. I had heard abt it from
Golak , but then the only way to enjoy it , is to have it.A trip to Puri with frnds can never be boring . We dropped Jojo at Sterling Resorts and then the rest of the evening was quite boring in Puri , neither did we go to the temple nor into the sea , and then , after the most boring evening came the most interesting night.After din din we picked Jojo , but before picking him up we had an oopurtunity to dance on the centerstage in a private party .Then as we moved out of Puri , Jojo enquired abt the coolest dhaba on the way where we could stop. The car halted in a place arnd 25 kilometers before Pipili.The name of the dhaba was Madhuban, the time was 12.50 a.m. We got down for dinner , and that was when daaru was ordered , brand was 8 p.m. and when Jojo opened the first bottle , it was 1 a.m. The show just started , and i had no idea of what was going to follow next . Peg after peg , it went into their stomach , and i kept on watching (it was all coz of d promise.Well after 10 bottles of Pepsi and three bottles of whisky gone into their systems , we started our journey again at 2.40 a.m. .But before that , Jojo's senti , and Susu's PJ's were getting lethal . And to add effect were Baibhav's dialogues .And then when the owner would say it is closing time , how very smartly Baibhav would slip in a Rs 20/- note into his pocket and he would leave quietly for another 30 minutes before he came back again . Me and Nishant wud relish the papads which Jojo would order and forget to take.The bill came to something close to Rs.500/-. Then when we moved out of the dhaba , it was 2.50 a.m. in the night , the fog was dense like white milk and visibility was minimum . It feels great when u pee on the middle of a highway , on the white dashed lines , Jojo n me had the same great feeling.And then we started, our next destination was a tea stall , with fresh morning tea . As the car rolled ahead at a steady pace of 50 kmph , all that i could see ahead were 2 white lines shining in the headlight and the dense fog .The situation was very favourable for an accident , but somehow we reached BBSR. The time was 3.36 a.m. when we reached BBSR Railway Station.and an old man was just seemingly making strong tea ,which was supposed to be very dilute in the sense that there was more water in it than milk. Jojo and Baibhav were allready knocked out in the back seat , and allthough Susu was drunk he ensured us that he was normal , more than once. Well thats what drunkards do . So we left station hoping for some better tea ahead , passed NALCO Sq , BDA Sq , Damana Sq , Magnetix Sq and still moved ahead looking for a tea stall . Meanwhile Susu's words describing what would happen when we would leave college had allready become a pain in my ass .Finally arnd 1 km from Magnetix , towards Nandan Kanan , we got a tea stall , open , and serving. The time was 4 a.m. in the nite and there was yet another hour before hostel gates open. So we had tea, and rest of the time passed listening to tales of Lords from a watchman, Pratap Bhai ,who guards nearby college owned buildings ,tales of how Sita was born , how Angad was born , why Krishna raised a mountain on his li'l finger , and how Ravana got married to Mandodari, and she got transformed from a frog to a b'ful female called Bengabati and later to Mandodari . In the meanwhile Susu would lite cigarette after cigarette , and we used to mock him calling him a chimney After almost an hour we left for hostel.

5.00 a.m we reached hostel , Jojo and Baibhav still knocked out , and gates yet to open .
Somehow climbing the staircase upto C block never felt that easy . At 7.30 , that was after
2 n half hours i had a lab , but then i showed the middle finger to the lab and the classes
that were to follow . Luckily when i woke up later , i heard , i got a proxy in the lab.Life
never felt better , last nite was a nite to remember , forever !!

Broken Cigarette !!



Everytime u are desperate for a cigarette , u wont get it Image . And then when u finally get 1 after lotta effort u find 1,there are more than a few people to share it Image . Everytime u want to quit u find some1 arnd u offering u a puff or two and when u r in the mood to smoke , u dont find any1 smoking arnd , u go to the nearest store and find it is closed , somehow u wake the man sleeping inside the "gumti" and when u ask for ur favourite brand he says he has just 1 of that type. So u get the 1 and 4 of some other shitty brand (money constraint) , and think that u will enjoy it in ur room on ur bed watching the moon,and when u light it , and take the first puff , some1 knocks ur door , and he wants a share , and then some1 else , and then some1 else . So in the end u just get those 4 lucky puffs . And when every1 leaves and u r left with those 4 shitty cigs , u r no more in the mood .And in the ultimate case u get just the 1 cigarette from the shop and by the time u reach hostel somehow it is twisted in ur pocket and breaks.Image

Jojo says the golden rule of quitting is to quit smoking for three days in the smoking adaptive environment , and u can quit forever. But ask any smoker , 3 days is quite a long time , by God , the longest i could quit was for 2 days and 10 hrs , even if i knew , in 14 hours more i would quit smoking. Trust me it is difficult. But luckily enuff for me i have reduced to less than 10 puffs a day , thats less than 2 cigarettes a day.

What else could i say ? Just Breaking The Habit


I don’t know what’s worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
I don’t know why I instigate
And say what I don’t mean
I don’t know how I got this way
I know it’s not alright
So I’m
Breaking the habit
Tonight
Every Night !!
I'm struggling .

Passage from Breaking the Habit by Linkin Park.Original passage modified.


Saturday, January 14, 2006

D Marijuana experience !!

Name - Marijuana
Scientific Name - Cannabis sativa .
Local Name - Gaanja
Colour - Varies from light brown to yellow when dried(the state in which it is consumed).
Odour - Bad
Effects - Psychoactive effects . Alters the brain's state of functioning !!! Actually induces relaxation and heightens the senses .
Chemical composition - primary active chemical , Tetrahydrocannabinol (THC).
Users - People aged between 16 to , actually no upper limit .
Also known as - 420, Dope, Hydro, MaryJane, Wacky tabacky, Grass.


Last three nigths i have been getting on a high with Marijuana.

The experience is really worth describing . Starting with the way u make it . Thats not a headache, coz i never make it , thats Jojo's part . But i know , something , u have to weed of the seeds from the dried stuff u buy from underground markets , else, when on fire they mite crackle . Then u have to powder it into a nice powdered form.Remove the bloody tobaccco from any cigarette , if u want to go for a dilute version , mix the tobacco and the powdered stuff and fill into the empty cigarette , else , for a highly concentrated stuff, for a higher high, stuff the dope directly into the empty cigarette.Wet the cigarette with your tongue, i mean a little bit of saliva. Twist the front part and light it. There you go !!

Take deep puffs , short puffs , whatever, but keep the smoke inside ur lungs.I would like to mention about the term 'tornado'. Take a puff and keep it , unless the dope circles the entire mandi , and comes back to ur hand, release the puff then . However you do it , it shud climb , normally.

Now , i wud like to share how it feels.My experiences. Whenever i get stoned , i dont see people , i see Lords and Demons . I start addressing them as Lord and F**kers(not devils). And seriously i do. Its like u r into two worlds. U start switching between the worlds at a very high frequency. One is the normal world,where u see and hear normally, the other is the hyperactive world, where u can hear and listen and speak whatever u want to.And u start thinking very rapidly in the hyperactive world, u see in frames , ur brain percieves things twice faster, time slows down , dimesnsions increase , one inch appears 20 centimeters. U keep narrating ur feelings ,with laughter packed reality , u start speaking rubbish , then suddenly. Then suddenly u become conscious , u switch to the real world , and u discover , all that u did , were just what u were thinking to do.And u think u were thinking , but actually u werent. U did them. And then again u switch to the doped world. The feelings deep within u come out. If u r hungry , u feel like eating(obviously).But then at normal times ur brain would have rejected the request for food . Yea and u get desperately thirsty . U know people are around , u know they are talking as long as they are talkin , but u dont know what they are talking about .The best company u can have is of another doper.Then u just stare at each other and start smiling,and u just cant stop. And sweets , yea the taste climbs even faster than Marijuana after getting doped.And once you start eating you cant stop.U laugh at virtually whatever you see.For better effects you can take a "Dairy Milk". And once u start talking to a normal person , be very careful , coz , u might be sleeping while he will be delivering his words , sleeping with eyes wide open . And yes it happens , suddenly u seem to gain consciousness and ask him to repeat what he said from the very beginning .Doping on the roof has got its own advantages . Firstly there wont be any Holy Smoke , secondly it climbs steadily , comfortably and easily.And thirdly , if u r out of topics, u can just gaze at the stars and watch them disappear, rather converge into the moon .

N.B. Doping is injurious to health.This should not be considered as an inspiration to dope.

Sunday, November 13, 2005

menakcman speaks

I got a term called "Nirvana" from some1's yahoo ID. no doubt I was pretty much aware of the term right from my history classes where i read about Lord Buddha. Wiki says , nirvana connotes an extinguishing or "blowing out" of a fire or candle flame.It carries further connotations of stilling, cooling, and peace; the realizing of nirvana is compared to a fire gone out when its fuel supply is finished; this fuel being primarily the false idea of self, which causes (and is caused by) among other things craving, consciousness, birth, death, greed, hate, delusion, ignorance. Nirvana, then, is not a place nor a state, it is an absolute truth to be realized, and a person can do so without dying.When a person who has realized nirvana dies, his death is referred as his parinirvana, his fully passing away, as his life was his last link to the cycle of death and rebirth, and he will not be reborn again. Buddhism holds that the ultimate goal and end of existence is realization of nirvana; what happens to a person after his parinirvana cannot be explained, as it is outside of all conceivable experience.Well thats what the wiki says.


Now what do i have to say . There are three things in the world , the basis for our existence.Attachments , desires , hope ... the three things , cant think of anything as the fouth. Attachments form the basis of relations, desires the basis of work and hope the basis of performance. Now suppose , 1 by 1 we remove these things from life . What we have , is that life ?? or is it just death before death . We are born for a purpose , aint we ? Does that mean , if we start in search of nirvana , we are running away from our responsibilities . or does it mean that nirvana is our prior responsibility , and we must attain it .

To be edited .. .. ..